Bad blogger!

It’s been two weeks since my last post. A lot has happened. I’ll sum it up and try and keep it short-ish.

I had to travel twice and it’s the first time that I’ve been traveling after being ‘out’ with the whole pregnancy thing. It was nice to not have to hide it, but after a long day of traveling or working from customer to customer it would have been nice to have a beer or two. So instead of the beer, Gumby and Pokey convinced me that room service would be a nice little treat. Something about a nice lady bringing you breakfast, juice, tea and all the fixin’s on a pretty tray right to your bedroom just makes ya feel special. And with the terrible horrible no good mood I find myself in nearly 24/7 it was a nice change of pace to feel special like that.

 Since coming home from all that travel, I had my 16 week doc appointment where I met with the nurse practitioner. No ultrasound, but they did give me the peace of mind by listening with a little wand/speaker thingy to make sure the heartbeat was where it should be.. you know, thumping and all. All seems to be good with the critter from that standpoint and I have officially gained 6 pounds at that appointment. Well, not at the appointment but within the week to week and a half leading up to it. That is all well and good and on track for the critter but doesn’t make me look any more pregnant, just fat. I realize this is a totally real stage for most normal figured women and while it sucks and is totally weird to have your clothes completely fit a week before and then not the next, I can deal.

What I haven’t been having an easy time dealing with is the hormones and I did talk to the NP about it. She asked me what it was like and so I explained that about 90% of every single day I am rude, mean, annoyed, or angry. There is no mood swings, just all of that negative all the time. She then asked me what it is like when I really feel like the pot is boiling over to which I responded that when I am at home, I pace and pace and pace and going for a walk or doing exercise does not help. It only makes me more angry because I’m not used to being this figure and not being able to catch my breath so bad so early on in this thing. When I’m traveling through airports and I’m at the boiling point? No exaggeration or joking here, I have to seriously stop myself from physically assaulting someone with my luggage. They could be eating chips too loudly, talking too loudly, or trying to cut me in line to get to the same damn place where we will all have an assigned seat anyway. She didn’t make me feel like a crazy person and reaffirmed what a bestie having been through this twice now also said – that it is totally normal even though it sucks. I was honestly prepared for the ups and downs throughout the day from one minute to the next. What I wasn’t prepared for is the negative all the time. So the kind NP told me that we have options. Like medical options where I can get chemical help that will have low low risk for the critter at this point and ease my fears about postpartum transition.

A week later today at 17 weeks we have a turnip and I can honestly say that 75-80%, if not more, of my day has been good. Things have improved and I don’t feel like I am living in an uncontrollable world of anger and hate. I haven’t taken any meds. I don’t know if it is really knowing that I have options that won’t seriously hurt the critter that is making me feel better or if it is just a more solid footing in the second trimester that has made this hormonal change up but either way I am relieved. At least for now. I read that all those horrible hormones come back in the third trimester, but somehow I feel better about that happening again at this point. Knowing that you don’t have to be a hateful monster and worry about resenting your baby for how crappy you have been feeling is truly a weight off. For now. We’ll see how the hormonal breezes blow tomorrow.