Bad Day Again

It’s that time of year again. And the only reason I start with that is because it just hit me like a ton of bricks that this happens to me only around this time of year – when we are supposed to be working together in groups and singing kumbaya. When we have to go do things with the entire company at the great big event in January and I desperately desire for the ‘cool kids’ to include me in their group.

Yesterday I was in a funk for whatever reason and thought that after a good dinner and a good night’s sleep that it would change things. I think that it has… a little bit, but I still feel disconnected. Almost as though I did in high school. I’m not the cool kid in the cool group and have always been super self-conscious as to why that may be. What is it about me that makes the in crowd want me to not be part of it? I’ve told myself for years that they are just a bunch of people who stab each other in the back and are a closed circuit drama center but, in all honesty, it does seem like they have a lot of fun together. I want my cake and I want to eat it too. Doesn’t everyone?

I want people to like me. It’s a character flaw of mine at this point. I want even the not trust worthy and drama filled people to like me. It doesn’t make me want to trust the untrustworthy or engage in the drama. More than anything, I think it’s almost like a personal challenge to be part of that and not get caught up in the negative aspects of it all. Is it possible? I don’t know. And I’ll probably never know. Either way, it has made this song fit my mood perfectly the last two days. Thanks, Fuel.

Had a bad day again 
She said I would not understand 
She left a note and said "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again. 
She spilled her coffee, broke her shoelace. 
Smeared the lipstick on her face. 
Slammed the door and said "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again." 

And she swears there's nothing wrong 
I hear her playing that same old song 
She puts me off and puts me on 

And had a bad day again 
She said I would not understand 
She left a note that said, "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again."