It's too late...

Baby watch 2013

So far things are still unsuccessful. For some reason I thought for sure that this month was the month for some reason. I just had a feeling. Considering I don't know what that feeling is like to be pregnant, I guess the odds are really not in my favor that I really knew what I was talking about anyway. I have no song for this. None. I am at a loss on so many fronts here. Just not sure where to go or what to do next. I believe him when he says that it only happens that fast for drunk teenagers, but have I waited too long? Have I been focused too much on following a certain plan to make sure that I have everything as close to perfect as possible for that gigantic life event? These questions don't really need answers and I don't think anyone with any certainty could really answer them anyway.

In the meantime, I have plenty of things to focus on I guess. First and foremost I have made the decision to get myself more healthy. No more junk for dinner and cheating meals. If this is going to happen I need to give this thing every opportunity, including a healthy oven to bake in. On the second upside to the healthy thing, I could certainly use to lose the 20 pounds I have been managing to hold onto for the past 2 years. I know I have said I'm going to try and I'm super motivated before, but I'd like to think I'm really serious this time. You believe me? Me neither. But we'll give it the old college try. I need to lose weight. I need to feel like I am in a good place physically to hold onto this thing and mentally to all around kick some serious butt. We've got the annual super duper work thing again this year in January and in all honestly I only feel like I'm being appreciated enough when I am there if I look killer. Is that odd? Yes. And I realize that it totally makes it sound like I make no other contribution to my job or my company. It is what it is. I feel like if I look great, then I have the total package of smarts, accomplishments, and knock 'em deadness.

I'm sure a therapist would have a field day with this and try and tell me that I don't need to conform to what others think is attractive, but if it makes you feel good to think that people also think you look good and notice you for the right reasons associated with that then I really don't see problem. Do what makes you happy, as long as it doesn't harm yourself or others, right? Sure sure.

This was random. And I apologize. But I guess I do have a song after all for this one...

"It's too late to apologize
It's too late"

-One Republic

It is too late... You already wasted minutes of your life reading my dribble. And so has the person next to me on the plane reading this while I type.