Stressed Out

I realized that I am not sure who I am anymore, not that I ever knew before. Saturday night we had some friends of ours stay over (friends we had before we had the kid) and they also have a daughter that is about 6 months older than Lyla. The girls had a fun time playing together and their 7 year old son even had a great time with them. After they all went to bed around 7:30/8pm, we were hanging out as just us parents. I realized that if I am not talking about work issues or baby health, poop, vomit, giggles, etc., then I have no idea what to talk about with our friends anymore. I was able to hang out with the wife before we had Lyla and feel comfortable but ever since having a child I feel socially stunted. This in turn makes me super self-conscious and even more awkward. I even had a dream/nightmare that my two closest buds (no matter how far away are still close) judge the shit out of every single thing and way that I say something. It has made the song "Stressed Out" by Twenty-One Pilots  so so so hit home.

 

 

I wish I found some better sounds no one's ever heard,

I wish I had a better voice that sang some better words,

I wish I found some chords in an order that is new,

I wish I didn't have to rhyme every time I sang

 

I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink,

But now I'm insecure and I care what people think.

 

My name's 'Blurryface' and I care what you think

 

 

Also, I am out at a work function with a small enough group this week where I totally feel like I am too old for this shit... and I am the youngest one of our group. I don't want to get hammered and feel shitty the next day. In fact, the thing I most strive for on a daily basis is to not wake up feeling shitty. It is currently 12:30am and I went to the ladies room for two minutes only to come back and have the two guys I am traveling with clung to these two drunk college girls. Now, both guys are super duper drunk and have had moonshine tonight (to which I refused) so their judgement is impared, but I still would rather be back in my room watching TV in my big king sized bed awake until 2am than be at this bar pretending to be interested in this vapid conversation and drunken escapades. The only drunken escapades wanted are with my two besties..despite the cool atmosphere of this bar and the good music.